Bad Habits – Why weight loss can be so frustrating

In order to lose weight successfully, you must first understand what factors there are that can prevent success. 

When we first set ourselves a goal, we experience a type of euphoria and have highly ambitious expectations. For example, we might plan to lose a stone and a half in 2 months. We develop very high expectations, which makes for very high disappointment when they are not fulfilled.

Having barely done any exercise in the past, you set yourself the goal of going to the gym 5 times a week. Along with this, you’re planning a complete diet transformation. All of this can be kept up for a few days, sure. But after a short time, these drastic changes become exhausting. Any situation that requires additional strength from us, for example a family row, a bad day at work or having to decline food or drink while out with friends, increases the risk of a relapse.

Old behaviours swiftly slither back in when we feel burdened or troubled. We might have a snack here and there and choose to spend an evening in front of the TV instead of in the gym, resulting in a guilty conscience and/or a feeling of failure. This negative feeling that arises from the conflict between our desires and our actual actions is also known as “cognitive dissonance”.

We would probably describe this cognitive dissonance as frustration in our own minds. Frustration inhibits motivation. The initial euphoria dissipates. Into the mix comes our human psychology: if we have a goal, but are finding it difficult to make the long-term commitment, we tend to favour thought patterns that justify our behaviour:

• “It’s actually more important for me to eat anything and everything I want than to lose weight”
• “I’ve heard somewhere that being overweight can even be healthy”
• “My grandma was also overweight and has grown old quite happily”

There are many more such “justifications” that could originate from this typical pattern of thinking. These help to reduce frustration and allow us to continue our old ways in good conscience.

A lot of people want to change without changing. But losing weight for good isn’t just about dropping a few pounds. It means you’ve got to make permanent behavioural changes. To be more precise, your eating habits and activity level have to change. Often, focus is placed solely on the “destination” of losing weight and not the journey – but this will have a negative effect on your perseverance. The process behind losing weight involves getting rid of bad habits and establishing new, good ones, and is largely a psychological one.

By definition, a habit is “something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it” (Cambridge Dictionary). 

Everyone has habits. How do they arise? Habits stem from previous experiences. You are constantly encountering new situations in life that you have to respond to. If a situation occurs often enough, you automatically know what your best response is. 

For example, you might feel fatigued in the morning and respond to this by drinking a cup of coffee. You have learned that a cup of coffee in the morning helps you to start the day awake and alert. Now, you make yourself a coffee in the morning without even thinking about it. It’s a habit. 

Every habit has a reason behind it. People develop habits in order to save resources. In this way, in familiar situations, they don’t need as much strength to respond or find a solution to the problem. Imagine you had to think actively about everything you needed to do in the morning before work (take a shower, eat, brush your teeth, etc.). That would cost you a lot of time and energy.

Since every habit has a meaning, theoretically there can be no categorisation of habits as inherently “good” and “bad”. But of course there are habits that bring you closer to your personal goal and those which tend to prevent you from achieving your goal.

Of course, this classification is subjective and depends on the goal you are currently pursuing. Thus, good and bad habits are different for everyone, and in the course of a lifetime, a habit that was once good can turn into a bad one because it no longer fits with your current goal.

Habits, as already mentioned above, are actions that are performed regularly and almost automatically. Therefore, they are mostly unconscious. Something that you are not aware of cannot be consciously changed. As a first step, you should uncover your “bad” habits and thus become aware of them. It is a good idea to make a list of everything you do on the day that is related to your goal. When it comes to weight loss, your alarm bell should ring every time you do something in the categories of eating, drinking, exercise or sleep. Don’t forget actions that have an indirect negative impact, such as “surfing the Internet” as a substitute activity for exercise or as a delay for going to bed. Take a close look at what your habits are and whether or not they support you in achieving your goal. You can often recognize a habit by its association with a stimulus, for example, “every time I come home, I immediately sit down on the sofa”. It is also helpful if you say something out loud before you do it. For example, “I’m about to eat a chocolate bar”. This is also a method for making habits conscious. It is essential that you develop this self-awareness. Only then can long-term change occur.

A big step has already been taken when you become aware of your habits. Now you have the chance to make a change. With a little practice in mindfulness, you will notice that you are unconsciously performing an action right now or are about to do so. Through mindfulness, you have given yourself a moment to go into your mind again and ask yourself “Do I really want to do this now, or is there a better solution?”. In case of an onset of food cravings, this moment gives you the opportunity to switch that bar of chocolate for a banana. 

Of course, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It takes time to develop mindfulness. At first, you will often only realise that you have unconsciously performed an action after it is complete.

Over time, you will manage to perceive your habits with full consciousness and suppress them. 

But then what? This habit serves the purpose of solving a problem. You have a craving and solve the problem immediately with a biscuit, out of habit. Now, suppressing this habit will not solve the problem and it will be difficult to withstand the craving. For this reason, it is important that you establish new, beneficial habits instead.

It is important that the new, better habit also solves the problem. Let’s stick to the example of food cravings. The new habit should be able to eliminate the cravings. There are many strategies for this. It could be a short walk in the fresh air, brushing your teeth, or eating an apple that makes your cravings disappear. 

Find out how you can counteract food cravings here.

Test what is most effective for you and make it a habit by repeatedly using your new strategy to deal with the cravings. 

In order to create good exercise habits, it can help to commit to a certain time and place. For example, “I will go jogging in the park for 20 minutes every evening at 7 pm”. It’s harder to cancel this plan than a vague statement like “I’m going jogging tomorrow”. After some time, your body will adjust to the fact that you exercise at around 7 pm and even develop an urge to exercise at this specific time.

Also helpful for establishing new habits is the phrase “Whenever I have done X I will do Y”. For example, you can decide “Every time I finish brushing my teeth, I will do 20 squats”. By doing so, you combine an old habit, such as brushing your teeth, with a new, beneficial habit. After some time, your brain will automatically associate brushing your teeth with 20 subsequent squats.

Psychosocial factors are social influences, such as friends and family, that have a direct impact on your psychological state. They also play a major role in the weight loss process. Create an environment that supports you. Of course it’s difficult to establish healthy eating habits when everyone around you eats junk food constantly. It is therefore helpful if you often surround yourself with people who are pursuing or have already achieved a similar goal.

Ask yourself when you eat too much or choose less nutritious foods. Is it when you are in negative emotional states such as anger, sadness, loneliness, boredom or anxiety? Many people eat to regulate their emotions. This is not a healthy strategy to deal with problems in the long run and it hinders weight loss success. If you deal with emotion in this way, it is advisable to consult a psychologist.

What is more important to you: pleasure or health? Many people want to lose weight, but put pleasure before health. This attitude can be a hindrance in the weight loss process. Putting health before pleasure does not mean giving up pleasure completely.

Pleasure is a largely learned response – perhaps you connect a pleasant memory with a certain meal or childhood praise from your parents with sweets. Such expectations of positive feelings that we learn from experience are deceptive. To begin deconstructing these connections, every time you reach for your perceived “pleasure boosters”, start by asking yourself whether they genuinely make you feel better. In general, this will not be the case. Perhaps you might even feel angry with yourself afterwards. It is important to plan situations in which you treat yourself and just want to enjoy something to the fullest: when will you eat how much of what? Then you can enjoy your “comfort food” without a guilty conscience and return to healthy behaviours afterwards. A planned lapse in your learning process. With time, success and your shiny new habits, you will find that it takes less and less effort to resist impulsive urges, because they simply disappear over time.

The route to weight loss success is not always smooth sailing. It is often choppy, and you will encounter setbacks and disappointments along the way. If you master these phases, you will reach your goal.

The reasons for frustration and limited motivation are overly high expectations and misconceptions about the process. In addition, old habits can stand in the way of weight loss success. It is important to be aware of your own habits, because only then can you actually change them for good. Pursuing a goal like weight loss requires changes in day-to-day behaviour. Only by dropping old habits and establishing new ones can you achieve your goal and maintain it permanently. 

How to avoid frustration: 

1. Clearly define your goal and be aware of the entire process
2. Set yourself smaller, intermediate goals and celebrate when you achieve them
3. Realise that disappointments and setbacks are part of the journey
4. Be mindful.
5. Be aware of your habits.
6. Are you at a low-point? Remember why you started!

1. Stangl, W. (2020). ‘Gewohnheit’ in Online Lexikon für Psychologie und Pädagogik. Retrieved from https://lexikon.stangl.eu/6140/gewohnheit/ on 12.08.2020.
2. Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits. pp. 15-95.